The most frequent and emotionally charged questions that astrologers get asked are about relationships – “will my partner ever change” or “will I ever meet my soul mate”? The yearning for that dream partner/soul mate is a universal and fundamental human drive, yet it is fast becoming the most elusive goal to achieve in the times we live in.
In Vedic Astrology the tale of Beauty and the Beast seems a more fitting portrayal of finding our soul mate, than Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. Except in this tale there are two Beauties and two Beasts unveiling each others darkness, baggage and weaknesses to reveal the handsome prince or princess.
To gain insight into what makes successful marriages and enduring relationships it is worth exploring how the Vedic Astrologer is able to predict difficult relationship karma with precision in a horoscope.
While the whole chart, planetary periods and transits are involved in predicting the success of our relationships, the main story of our relationship karma is read in the condition of the opposing forces of the Ascendant (first house) and Descendant (seventh house). Our relationship potential starts with the ascendant, which is the persona we carry around with us as “me” or “I am this or that kind of person”. In order to know myself as “who I am” at some point we end up rejecting qualities of “who I am not”. This discarded and/or repressed part of us eventually becomes that longing to find in the “other” that which we have not harmonized within us. Ironically, what we tossed away to define ourselves is expressed in the seventh house (descendant) of “my partner”, where our relationship potential is decoded by the astrologer.
This questions the premise of modern relationships that our soul mate is that ideal partner who is like me, he has the same likes and dislikes, appreciates the same flavors of life, understands me and is undaunted by my idiosyncrasies and baggage.
The unconscious drive of humans (or call it karma) always strives for wholeness and integration and it seeks out those characteristics in our partners that we have not yet harmonized within ourselves. How we go about finding our mate does not seem to matter because even when marriage is arranged by the parents (as most Indian marriages have been for thousands of years) the astrologer is still able to predict the relationship karma with the same precision.
Many times people change partners but find themselves facing the same haunting difficulties of the last relationship. Even if the partner is completely different (sometimes people will do a complete 360 and pick someone “just like me” to avoid making the same mistake) the obstacles and issues at their core may remain the same.
To change our relationship karma we must first recognize that the success of our relationship is based on the proportion of the inner integration that we have achieved. This inner integration comes through our ability to move fluidly between opposites. In other words, the more well rounded we are the more relationship potential we have. The more stuck we are in one world view of how things should and could be the more difficult our relationship karma.
Unfortunately, there are some horoscopes, especially with a strong Saturn or Ketu influence on the seventh house, where the karma may be fixed to prevent a happy union despite all our efforts. Depressing as this may be our failed relationships can also be fertile ground for the evolution of a soul that is no longer in need of “the other” to grow. Experiences of pain, isolation, rejection, and disappointment through relationships sometimes ensue to force us to reorient ourselves towards that inner search.
Like turning sour grapes into fine wine, enduring relationships require much patience and the passage of time. Thus, commitment (not just in words) is the most essential ingredient for successful relationships. A foolish commitment to a destructive relationship is never recommended. However, having one foot out the door and trying to see if the relationship will work is setting it up for failure.
There is dual desire in each of us to achieve union and keep our identity. This balancing act is an art form that takes lifetimes of practice to master. To balance our first house with our seventh house here are some recommendations:
Don’t see your troubles as the other persons fault
Don’t see your happiness or unhappiness as coming from the agency of your partner
Don’t need your partner to see things a certain way
Don’t need your partner to give you something he/she is not giving
Don’t need your partner to be anything other that what he/she is
Don’t demand love – it is not his/her job to love you, it is yours
Do have clear boundaries but without judgement/criticism of the other
Do take responsibility for the consequences of saying “no” to his/her demands
Truth is that as time passes, there is always a risk that we may begin to dislike the same traits in our partner that attracted us to them in the first place. Vedic Astrology has many techniques to predict if a relationship has the potential to endure or not. In fact, compatibility readings are the most sophisticated and researched aspect of Vedic Astrology since astrologers have been responsible for deciding marriages in India for thousands of years. For info on Vedic Compatibility readings please check out the compatibility page on this site,